Russ Ray

Trying to become more like Jesus

September SPAM of the Month Club

1 Comment

You know the drill. If not, check out the other SPAM of the Month Club posts.


From: PAUL EZEKWESILI
Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2011 10:56 PM
Subject: YOUR ATM CARD WORTH OF $3.5M IS READY FOR DELIVERY

All right! I can’t believe my $3.5 million ATM card is ready for delivery!

Attention: Honorable Beneficiary

Technically, my title is Grand Poobah of Western Naptown and Assistant to the Viceroy of Potted Meat Food Products.

Our Ref: FGN /SNT/STB Your Ref

I have no idea what it means, but who cares for $3.5 million, right?

This is to officially inform you that(A.T.M) Automated Teller Machin system of payment has been accredited in your favor.

Despite your poor language skills, I’m glad that you understood and avoided one of my pet peeves… calling the “ATM” the “ATM machine”. It’s not an automated teller machine machine! In my country, an insult to the Grand Poobah of Western Naptown and Assistant to the Viceroy of Potted Meat Food Products is a serious offense. My subjects would force feed you with 18 cans of corned beef hash and vienna sausages, duct tape you to an Indy car, and then drive you around the track at 200 mph until you leave vomit trails on the walls.

Your Personal Identification number is 0000.

That sounds like the same combination that an idiot would have for his luggage.

The ATM Card Value is $3.5M usd You are advice to contact with the following information’s;

Awesome, I am ready to provide you with the following information’s;

(1).FULL NAME:

Russell Aloysius Ray the First, ESQ.

(2)DELIVERY ADDRESS:

0000 Assistant Viceroy Boulevard
West Indianapolis, IN 46214

(3).PHONE NUMBER

(317) 555-1212

(4).COUNTRY:

No, city… but I was once from the country.

(5).OCCUPATION:

Grand Poobah of Western Naptown and Assistant to the Viceroy of Potted Meat Food Products.

(6).SEX:

Heh-heh, wouldn’t you like to know, pervert?

Hey, this isn’t one of those trick emails where you try to sell me Cialis and Vicodin, is it?

(7).AGE:

9 (in leap years)

Contact me with this e-mail:
Regards,Mr.Paul Ezekwesili.

There you go, Mr. Paul Ezekwesili. I strongly await my $3.5 ATM machine card!

Wait… is that the end?

Is that it?

No more SPAM?

It can’t end like that…

From: Martin Webbs
Sent: Monday, August 22, 2011 1:19 AM
Subject: MORE INCOME

Hello,
Are you interested earning more income legitimately with funds wired directly into your credit card and you take $200 as your commission per Transaction?

Sorry, Martin… I already talked to your buddy Mr. Paul Ezekwesili about running an ATM machine scheme. You’re too late.

From: eLearn Office – Windows Videos
Sent: Monday, August 22, 2011 10:32 AM
Subject: تعليم ويندوز وأوفيس بالعربية مجانا

موقع أكثر من رائع
يحتوي علي حلقات العلم والإيمان
ودروس مجانيه فيديو لتعليم الويندوز والأوفيس
والتسجيل مجاناً هذا الشهر
بعد التسجيل يمكنك مشاهدة جميع الدروس مجاناً

لمشاهدة حلقات العلم والإيمان إضغط هنا

لمشاهدة دروس فيديو لتعليم الويندوز والأوفيس إضغط هنا

I’m sorry, I don’t even know what to do with that.

Well, I’m having trouble ending this on a high note, so here’s a hilarious internet video instead!

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One thought on “September SPAM of the Month Club

  1. Got this today and though it was rather good fun:

    Subject: ADHERE STRICTLY TO OUR INSTRUCTIONS
    From: F.B.I WASHINGTON D.C

    ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
    FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC
    FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
    935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
    Ref: FBI/DC/25/113/13/2012

    URGENT ATTENTION NEEDED

    FBI OFFICIAL NOTICE: WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THROUGH OUR GLOBAL INTELLIGENCE MONITORING NETWORK THAT THE SUM OF $10.500, 000.00,HAS BEEN RELEASE FROM A BANK IN AFRICA BEARING YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY WITHOUT FUND CLEARANCE PAPERS TO CLEAR YOUR NAME AND FUND FROM EVERY TERRORIST/ MONEY LAUNDERING ACTIVITIES.

    THE BANK KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM ANY PART OF THE WORLD TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT (S.T.D.P) TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT.DIRECT TRANSFERS ARE DIFFICULT AND SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT (S.T.D.P) ARE NOT MADE UNLESS THE FUNDS ARE RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES AND WE ASK WHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET TRANSFER IF YOUR TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE.

    WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT, SO IT IS OUR DUTY AS AN INTERNATIONAL COMMISSION TO CORRECT THESE LITTLE PROBLEMS BEFORE THIS FUND REFLECTS INTO YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.WE ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY, AS THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY, UNTIL YOU ARE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH THE FUND OWNERSHIP CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE WITHIN 3 DAYS FROM THE COUNTRY THAT AUTHORIZED THE TRANSFER TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE ARE TERRORIST/DRUG FREE OR WE SHALL HAVE CAUSE TO IMPOUND THE PAYMENT AND SUBSEQUENT PROSECUTION.

    BASED ON OUR FINDINGS, THIS INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT WISH TO WARN YOU AGAINST SOME MISCREANTS, HOODLUMS AND TOUTS WHO GO ABOUT SCAMMING INNOCENT PEOPLE BY CLAIMING TO BE WHO THEY ARE NOT AND THEREBY TARNISHING THE IMAGE OF THIS WONDERFUL COUNTRY.WE SHALL RELEASE THE FUNDS IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENT AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET YOUR PAYMENT WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.

    WE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU DIRECTLY TO ACQUIRE THE PROPER VERIFICATIONS AND PROOF FROM YOU TO SHOW THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHTFUL PERSON TO RECEIVE THIS FUND, BECAUSE OF THE HUGE AMOUNT INVOLVED. BE INFORMED THAT THE FUNDS ARE NOW WITH A TOP BANK IN THE UNITED STATE IN YOUR NAME AND UNDER THE MONITORING/CUSTODY OF THE FBI. AT THE MOMENT, WE HAVE ASKED THE BANK NOT TO RELEASE THE FUND TO ANYBODY THAT COMES TO THEM, UNLESS WE INSTRUCT THEM TO DO SO, THIS IS TO ENABLE US CARRY OUT A COMPREHENSIVE INVESTIGATION FIRST BEFORE RELEASING THE FUND TO YOU.

    HENCE, YOU ARE TO FORWARD THE FUND OWNERSHIP CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE TO US IMMEDIATELY IF YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR POSSESSION, IF YOU DO NOT HAVE IT, LET US KNOW SO THAT WE WILL DIRECT YOU TO THE LEGAL APPROPIATE AUTHOURITY TO OBTAIN THE CERTIFICATET/ AND SEND TO THIS OFFICE. THEREAFTER, WE WILL ASK THE BANK HOLDING THE FUNDS, TO GO AHEAD AND CREDIT YOUR ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY.IF YOU FAIL TO PROVIDE THE DOCUMENTS TO THIS OFFICE, WE WILL PROSECUTE YOU AND TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION AGAINST YOU FOR NOT PROVING THE LEGALITY OF THE FUNDS.ALSO FOR PROVE OF LEGITIMATE BENEFICIARY PLS RECONFIRM VIA EMAIL THE FOLLOWINGS:

    FULL NAMES…….
    2. MAILING ADDRESS…….
    3. HOME/ CELL PHONE NUMBERS….
    4. COUNTRY OF ORIGIN OF FUNDS…….

    THANKING YOU FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION .

    Yours Faithfully

    SPECIAL AGENT TERRY WILLIAMS,
    ON BEHALF OF THE FBI DIRECTOR
    MR. ROBERT S. MUELLER.

    cc: general intelligence department (GID)
    cc.federal reserve bank
    cc: asia pacific group on money laundering (APG)
    cc: international monetary fund (IMF)
    cc: international organization of securities commissions (IOSCO)
    cc: international banking security association (IBSA)
    cc: world customs organization (WCO)
    cc: inter-american development bank (IADB)
    cc: offshore group of banking supervisors (OGBS)
    cc: world central bank (WCB)
    cc,supreme court of justice nigeria(SCJ)

    LEGAL NOTICE:
    Unless expressly stated otherwise, this message is confidential and may be privileged. It is intended for the addressee(s) only. Access to this e-mail by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not an addressee, any disclosure or copying of the contents or any action taken (or not taken) in reliance on it is unauthorized and may be unlawful. If you are not an addressee, please inform the sender immediately.

    AVISO LEGAL:
    Salvo que se indique lo contrario, este mensaje es confidencial y puede ser privilegiada. Se pretende a su destinatario (s)solamente. El acceso a este e-mail por cualquier otra persona no estб autorizado. Si usted no es un destinatario, cualquier divulgaciуn o copia de lacontenidos ni de cualquier acciуn realizada (o no) en la dependencia en que no estб autorizado y puede ser ilegal. Si no son unadestinatario, por favor notifique al remitente de inmediato

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