Russ Ray

Trying to become more like Jesus

February SPAM of the Month Club

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spamHey, guess what? People are still spamming me! And they’re probably spamming you too! That’s what’s so great about the internet! And also your spam folder! In whatever email service you use! And people who write funny things like B3$t Pix. x. x. on the !nternet to try and stay out of your spam folder!

And why am I using so many exclamation points? See, I can stop using them any time!

As always, if you like this, check out the other entries in the SPAM of the Month Club.

WOW! VIAGRA from $1.81/PILL!

Wow! If I wanted to pop blue comestibles the size of M&Ms, I’d go buy a bag of M&M’s! Which is cheaper than $1.81!

Eddie Boroski

Somehow, I doubt that’s your real name. By the way, let me take this moment to say that Yahoo!s new mail interface trying to rip off the worst of Gmail and whatever Hotmail calls itself these days is ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d.

To jfuhbs12@yahoo.com

I don’t know a J Fuhbs, but trust me, if I did, I would loan him the $50 to go to the courthouse and change that name STAT.

Salut, dear subscriber!

Wow, you sound so continental using greetings in foreign languages! However, you have me mistaken for someone who truly subscribed to your list and cares about single-serving Viagra.

Your health is our world!

Really? If that was the case, where were you in 8th grade when I drove my bike into that ditch?

Buy drugs without a prescription!

Really? That doesn’t sound dodgy or illegal at all!

Check out our new WINTER offers and save HUGE on the best medications!

Actually, I can’t fault the guy for marketing here. I somehow suspect that home-delivered Viagra would be a great business model during blizzards in January and February.

Follow This Link to Visit World-Best Drugstore Mall:

How awesome! A drug store that’s also a mall! Do they have a Cinnabon? And an Earring Tree? And the guy that fixes your broken iPhone screens?

Top Bestsellers:

SEXUAL HEALTH:

– Viagra as low as $1.13

Now, wait a second… you said it was $1.81 for Viagra earlier! Is there something here that’s not on the up-and-up?

– Cialis as low as $1.65

Please buy all the products from Eli Lilly that you can so you can support our local economy.—Signed, the City of Indianapolis

– Viagra Super Active+ as low as $2.55

Let me save you a little money here and just say down the regular Viagra and a Red Bull and you’ll be fine… unless you have an unfortunate side effect that lasts for 12 hours like they say in the commercials.

– Levitra as low as $2.50

Who cares when you have cheaper alternatives?

– Pink Female Viagra as low as $0.72

Discrimination! Why must female Viagra get all the cool colors and cheaper prices? We need equality in this country for men!

– Cialis + Viagra Powerpack – special hot price!

For the guy who just can’t get it done!

and more…

But wait! There’s more? Oh… wait. I forgot it was a drug store mall. That means that they probably have a Spencer’s with all the dirty stuff in it. Yep, moving on…

ANTIBIOTICS:

I’ll bet Alexander Fleming was never so proud!

– Amoxicillin as low as $0.52

– Zithromax as low as $0.75

– Cipro as low as $0.30

Whatever, whatever and whatever! Everyone knows that you stop taking your antibiotics the minute you start feeling better. I’m still using antibiotics from the sinus infection I had 3 years ago that I never used up, so I’m good!

and more…

But wait! There’s more?

ANTI-ALLERGIC/ASTHMA:

– Ventolin as low as $21.50

– Advair as low as $24.95

– Spiriva as low as $28.90

Wow, you haven’t heard of Claritin and Primatene before, have you Eddie? (If Eddie is your real name.)

and more…

But wait! There’s more?

GENERAL HEALTH:

– Acomplia as low as $2.50

– Celebrex as low as $0.59

– Synthroid as low as $0.35

– Prozac as low as $0.35

Wow, more stuff I’ve never heard of before! Except Prozac! And between you and me, Eddie, there’s only one of us who needs to be on that stuff, and it ain’t me!

And is Celebrex that stuff guys put under their armpits so they can’t hug kids without spontaneously sending them into puberty?

and more…

But wait! There’s more?

Our Benefits:

– We Accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express and E-check!

Wow, this is awesome! My local Walgreens won’t accept Visa or Mastercard! How convenient!

– We Ship to All Destinations Worldwide!

Man, even better if you’re in Antarctica!

– 4 free bonus pills for all orders!

Do we get to choose the bonus pills or are these just random pills that got swept into the bin?

– Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail (12-21 days) shipping!

Is the mail service that slow in Canada? (see below)

– Free Shipping for orders starting with $300.00!

Still sounds incredibly expensive!

– Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $200.00!

Iwagnerf I had insurance, do you think I would be ordering drugs on the internet?

– Easy Refunds and Confidential Online Shopping!

Doubtful!

Canadian Drugstore is licensed pharmacy, international license #0546638 issued 1 Jan 2001

<—- American customer is not impressed!

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