Russ Ray

Trying to become more like Jesus


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May SPAM of the Month Club

spamI haven’t written one of these in a long time, mainly because I switched to Gmail, and their spam filters are way better than Yahoo! Mail.

However, last night, my blog got spam-bombed by some ‘bot out there, and I thought, hey… it’s time for some SPAM again! It’s always time for SPAM (at least once a month, there is). So, here are some blog SPAM comments:

Bette commented on Saturday Morning Funnies – 11.19.10

they can’t take your check but they can put a lien on your checking account. If you have direct deposit say bye to your stimulus. Cash it at a different bank or currency exfe2nge&#8a30;Recerhnces : Was this answer helpful?

Absolutely! In fact, there’s a Bank of exfe2nge&#8a30;Recerhnces right down the street from my house! I’m going right down there tomorrow to open up an account!

Do they still give away toasters? My wife has been after me to buy one for like 6 years now…

Ebony commented on Be salt, but don’t BE salt

I don’t know who you wrote this for but you helped a brtheor out.

Oh no… please don’t say that. I didn’t want to help out the Brtheors… now they’ll be able to invade our planet!

Chris commented on Saturday Morning Funnies – 11.26.10

Hello! This post con7&ud#821l;t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

I don’t get it… your old roommate was always talking about Black Friday or was he talking in botched HTML characters? Either way, sounds like it’s time to find a new roomie.

Milly commented on Ignoring the outliers

Lovely shot of a lovely barn.In Florida, the Republicans are working on a bill (maybe it’s already passed) which will make it a felony to go on a farm property and take phaorgotphs. This is to protect the large farming operations (who give big bucks to the Republicans) from accusations of animal abuse. So, when you visit Florida, don’t step on a farm property to take pictures. You could very well be arrested, put in jail and be charged with a felony! Is this a great state or what?

Yeah, but when you get right down to it, aren’t we all phagotrophs? I mean, that’s what the encyclopedia says… and I’m kind of on the government’s side here. You can’t just go on to somebody’s farm and walk off with a horse or a cow and drive off with it. Believe me, I’ve tried, and they did not enjoy the back of the minivan like I thought.

Esther commented on Plan to fail

That ints’higs just what I’ve been looking for. Thanks!

I don’t mean to be harsh, but maybe you shouldn’t drink while using voice-to-text.

Louisa commented on Bachelor Pad

Super jazzed about getting that knwhowo-.

Sorry, but I don’t speak Yoruba.

2017-05-19_1106.png

Servena commented on What I learned on my summer vacation

This has made my day. I wish all ponsgtis were this good.

Man, that’s a story for another day… the time I had ponsgitis. And by another day, I mean never.

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January SPAM of the Month Club

spamI have mostly ignored my spam folder for a year because it’s just so easy to hit that Trash Can button on my phone and move on.

However, I saw this item this morning, and decided to resurrect the SPAM of the Month Club.


 

From: Nathan <admin@instrument.jettiva.com>
Subject: Information for Ray Family

I love looking at these fake domain names. I tried to Google the word “jettiva” and got this answer:

Did you mean: jetta gentiva jativa jetaviva
  • Jetta is a Volkswagen (natch).
  • Gentiva provides hospice services (how sad… thanks for depressing me on Monday morning, Nathan).
  • Játiva was a province of Spain until 1833.
  • jetAVIVA assists in the sales and acquisition of light jet airplanes.

Any of these sound more promising than Jettiva.

Hello Russell, Nathan here with some great news.

I doubt it, but please continue.

I’ve got 5,730 reason you should be excited.

I’ve got 99 problem, but this ain’t one.

The government is currently issuing grants of up to $5,730 in and nationwide.

I’m sorry, but please contact me later when you have more than a million reason to be excited. $5730 buys me a car with 180K miles.

It’s open to residents of . You must be at least 18 years old.

I’m sorry, but I’m not a resident of . I don’t think I qualify.

This means you’re eligible to get a check. While it lasts. Click here for more info.

While it lasts? Is this like Snapchat or something? Sorry, that’s a little too new-school for me…

The money is from Federal Grant Programs. You can use it to pay for online classes. This will help you earn a degree and possibly get a better paying job.

I did not know that Hamburger University had an online program! Seems like $5730 is not enough money for an education of this value.

This money can be direct deposited straight to your account.

Surrrrre it can. I also believed those Nigerian guys when they sent me that check that one time to cash for them.

This doesn’t cost a thing. It only takes about 2 minutes to check.

Surrrrre it doesn’t. I also believed J-Lo when she said her love don’t cost a thing.

Click Here now…

No thanks!

Best,
Nathan
GrantsToday

*https://studentaid.ed.gov/types/grants-scholarships/pell

Unsubscribe me:
http://instrument.jettiva.com/main/unsubscribe.php?&M=162833490&N=585&C=51bc83a24c3ac3fcd1ca6ed7f3612215&L=64

This is an advertisement. If you would no longer like to receive these emails please click here to be removed.
Or you may request to be removed by mail at: Email Drop Marketing, 340 South Lemon Ave. #2317 Walnut, CA 91789

Oh, if I could only believe that I would never receive these emails anymore, I would click on your scammy, spammy link!


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February SPAM of the Month Club

spamHey, guess what? People are still spamming me! And they’re probably spamming you too! That’s what’s so great about the internet! And also your spam folder! In whatever email service you use! And people who write funny things like B3$t Pix. x. x. on the !nternet to try and stay out of your spam folder!

And why am I using so many exclamation points? See, I can stop using them any time!

As always, if you like this, check out the other entries in the SPAM of the Month Club.

WOW! VIAGRA from $1.81/PILL!

Wow! If I wanted to pop blue comestibles the size of M&Ms, I’d go buy a bag of M&M’s! Which is cheaper than $1.81!

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I don’t know what to write

With my new job, I’m afforded a lot more time to get back to old pursuits.

The problem is, I don’t know what to write about. I know I should* write something, and regularly, but I’m not sure what.

I can’t write about SPAM® anymore. For some reason, my spam folder has decided to get raunchy over the last year or so.

I hate sounding preachy. And I think I write that way a lot.

I seem to have lost my touch at humor beyond 140 characters. Do you see that out-of-place asterisk three paragraphs above? Was there anything funny after that?

Come to think of it, there isn’t much before either.

So, I’m asking for advice. Should I chuck everything, go the Twitter route and come back later? Do you want me to hit you in the head with a Bible every day? Or, should I finally open the spam emails with the subject “Life is short. Have an affair?”

(kidding on that one – I wouldn’t open them, but that is really what I seem to be getting a lot of, for some reason, which makes me think Yahoo! has not done much with their spam protection lately)

I think I have 2 readers left, so your vote could really sway things!


2 Comments

December SPAM of the Month Club

SPAM has two things in common with fruitcake: you don’t ever really get rid of them, and neither one is really made out of meat. But what happens when Santa Claus gets SPAM in his inbox? It’s a ho-ho-ho of a good time! As always, if you like this, check out the other entries in the SPAM of the Month Club.

Date: Thu, 20 Dec 2012 10:25:06 +0300
Subject: سائق خاص بسيارة حديثة موديل 2013 .. لتوصيل المشاوير الخاصة داخل مدينة الرياض فقط
From: saudi_com@yahoo.com

لديه الاستعداد التام في توصيل :

Okay, just a second here, now… old Santa’s got to put his reading glasses on. The old peepers just aren’t the same as they used to be!

الأفراد داخل الرياض
الموظفات الدوام الصباحي والمسائي
المشاوير العائلية الخاصة
توصيل الأفراد والعوائل من وإلى المطار
توصيل المشاوير الخاصة لأي مكان وفي أي وقت

Wait, now… what was that? Maybe I’ve got the CAPS LOCK key stuck on again…

ملاحظة / الإلتزام التام بالمواعيد ووجود محرم

I’M SORRY, I’M AFRAID I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND.

لطلب الخدمة التواصل على جوال / ٠٥٦٧١٣٨٢٠٨

WAIT, AM I SHOUTING? SORRY, HOW RUDE OF ME… SANTA DOESN’T SHOUT. HERE LET ME PRESS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY again and see if that helps… oh my, that is better! Now what was that you were saying again?

أبو حبيبة

I’m sorry, I guess I’m just still not getting it… maybe if I hold down this ALT key I can 

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